My word for 2020 is authentic. I really, really want to make the effort this year to stay true to who I am and also, get out of my comfort zone to figure out more of who that is. Who is Molly? What does she believe? What does she like? What does she love? What does she hate?
In January I drove an hour south to a lady that performs past life regressions. I have done a past life reading, but I have read a ton about regressions and my curiosity was peaking. My biggest fear going into this was that I wouldn't be able to be hypnotized since that is how this whole thing works.
I started listening to past life regression meditations on YouTube like this one and this one. Then I watched a handful of videos about hypnosis and how to know if you're a good candidate. I tried my hardest to prepare myself for this new experience.
The whole drive there I was a nervous wreck. Evidently enough, this drive was happening during Biden's Inauguration. It's something I will forever remember. I kept trying to calm myself down and breathe slowly to keep my nerves at bay. But I could barely contain myself.
It's like when you have a baby for the first time. You don't know what to expect at all. The idea of contractions and an epidural are so foreign to you and that makes them 100x more terrifying. You don't know the procedures of a labor and delivery room, you have no idea how often the nurses or your doctor will be around. The whole idea of birth is just one big question mark. That's what this was like.
I pull up to the woman's home and she greets me with this strong southern accent and tangible hospitality. She had the inauguration on the TV and we chatted for a second about how we will always remember this is what we were doing that day. (Funny how I already has this thought! Coincidence? I personally don't think so!)
She walks me up to a small room upstairs that has a computer and a leather couch. She starts by asking me all about me. We go through my entire history of life in about 10 minutes. We talk about all of my kids. She makes comments like "I would never have guessed you had six kids! You look 18!" Which are comments I always hear and secretly love! Haha
She writes down all of the names of the most important people in my life and explains she does this so she can keep track as we go through the regression. She explains that you just know who people are and mostly people can tell by the eyes. A soul comes through the eyes and it's really apparent. I throw that thought to the back of my head so I can remember that later.
She walks out and grabs me a pillow and a blanket and tells me to close my eyes. It's time to begin.
Panic. I seriously cannot relax.
She goes through her hypnosis part and then we get to the beginning of the regression. I'm not hypnotized, I can already tell. Ah, shit.
Imagine a staircase.
I can't imagine a staircase at all. My palms are starting to sweat. Why did I sign up for this?
This staircase could take the shape of one outside with stones or it could be one indoors.
Ok. Image a staircase with stones, Molly. Oh my god I seriously don't see anything.
Notice the details of this staircase. What do you see? Don't answer, just think about it. Do you see colors?
I literally see nothing.
We're going to start at the top of the staircase and walk down the steps.
Shit. Ummm. Okay.....still no staircase though....
10...9...8...keep walking down the steps.
Or I guess I'll just keep laying here sweating under this blanket.
I interrupt her as she gets to 7.
"I am so sorry. I just do not see anything. I'm really embarrassed but I can't keep going."
"No problem at all! Let's start over from the very top."
We had to start over 3 times before I was calm enough to be hypnotized.
Now I could see the staircase.
The best way to describe it is that I'm sitting in a movie theater and I'm watching scenes play out on a screen.
I'm walking down this really amazing staircase inside of a home that is beautiful. This staircase has a wooden railing and it curves as we walk down. I'm wearing this really beautiful long dress. The year is 1717 and I'm 17 years old. We live in France and my name is Ophelia. I have flowy, beautiful blonde hair. I love my family very, very much. My father in this life is Tim. I don't recognize my mother. I don't recognize my siblings.
We skip forward to me now older, married, and with children. We live in the French countryside and it is so beautiful. It feels so much like home. I keep looking around and soaking it all in - The garden in our backyard, the smells of flowers, the feeling of the sun. It's so peaceful here and I keep saying "this feels like home." After my session I looked up pictures of the French countryside and cannot wait to go one day.
I have three boys and I only recognize one of them as one of my nephews in this life. My husband is unrecognizable but he's leaving me a whole lot to go to work in the city. I am very lonely, I miss my family a whole lot, but I have these three adorable boys to take care of. I have secretly been in love with another man, a boy I grew up with, but was never "good enough" for my family. I don't recognize him either.
We skip forward to two of my boys dying from some sort of disease or virus. I am sick, too. This life ends with me dying fairly young.
The lessons I was supposed to learn in this life were to stick up for myself more, which I didn't do very well. The point of showing me this life was to see the French countryside - somewhere I will absolutely visit now, even though it wasn't something I was very interested in before. I was also shown this life to see how it feels when we try to force control over others. I needed to live my life in the way that made me happy versus trying to constantly please others, especially my family. But I just did as I was told. I didn't stay authentic to who I was.
We went into my second life.
The year is 1804 and I am walking along a riverbank, barefoot, fishing with my father. My father in that life is my grandpa from my life now. Growing up in this life, we were always fishing together. My grandpa had a pond and we fished all throughout the summers. This feels so familiar and comfortable. We are in Iowa and my name is Elizabeth. I am 8 years old. I'm wearing a long dress and my hair is brown and in two braids. I really love this riverbank and I really love fishing with my father.
We skip ahead. I am now an older teenager in school. School is one of my most favorite things and I really love reading. I'm caught reading books even though I'm supposed to be doing school work.
We skip ahead again and I'm now a midwife. I am married and have 2 identical twin boys and 1 girl. I recognize one of the boys as Easton but I don't recognize the others. I don't recognize my husband. Our little home is so small, cozy, and sweet. I take a second to soak it in because it's just so amazing.
We skip ahead to me helping my sister birth her baby. I recognize my sister as my mom from this life. Things go terribly wrong in this birth and her baby dies. I recognize this baby as my daughter Sawyer. For the rest of this life, my sister resents me. We don't have a relationship after this.
We skip ahead to me giving birth now to my 4th child. The baby comes out and is a boy. I recognize this baby as my father from this life. But this baby also has Bowie's eyes. I'm confused in this moment because this baby I just had is both my father and Bowie. The woman conducting the regression tells me to ask my guides for an explanation. I hear someone whisper in my ear, "they're the same person."
This life ends pretty traumatically with me dying in an accident with a fishing boat and drowning to death. I've always been leery of small boats and I've always had a terrible fear of drowning. But being able to feel that feeling of the end of a life, I don't know, it was just really comforting. It's so hard to explain. I'm not as scared of drowning as I used to be.
So let's recap Elizabeth's life because this one was huge:
I had twins, which is really amazing.
My sister that is now my mom really hated me in that life, and even more so after I had that last baby. This is important to my life now because my mom and I didn't have the best relationship growing up. I think both of us were at fault for that - but now I feel like our relationship is really stable and really great. Could there have been some residual energy coming through from that life into this one until?
My middle name in my life now is Elizabeth. It's really interesting that that was the name my parents wanted. I wasn't named after anyone, so to CHOOSE Elizabeth is really really crazy.
My daughter Sawyer has the middle name Kay, which is the same as my mother's middle name. Was that my unconscious way of trying to honor the relationship they had in that particular life?
And then learning my dad and Bowie have the same soul. The second Bowie was born and placed on my chest, I felt so much peace. I instantly stopped missing my dad. I remember thinking while I was sitting in that birth pool, "wow. I don't even miss him anymore." Sort of weird right? Everything felt better. I haven't cried once about my dad since Bowie was born. Could it be because it really is my father reincarnated?
My main lessons in Elizabeth's life were to love hard and accept that you cannot change everything. I think I did that for the most part. I hated what happened to my sister and always tried to amend things. But there's really no fixing a mother's broken heart, especially when you are the reason for the loss.
I know the main question I'm going to get is "do you really believe Bowie is your father?" and the answer, for me, is maybe? Once he's a little older I want to ask him questions and try and see what he can remember, if anything. I'd say I believe it's really him like 75% at this point. Most of that comes from how I feel, not so much what this reincarnation did or didn't show me. The feeling I had after he was born was so monumental that I can't even deny it.
SO! In closing, it was really a cool experience. I'd recommend it to anyone! I feel like I gained clarity in a lot of things.
Even if this was totally fake and whatever I saw is just images I made up in my own head...I still really enjoyed it. I am all for things that make people feel better. For me this was really healing.
I truly never thought I would be talking about reincarnation, but here we are! It's a super interesting topic that is very much taboo. But I'm okay with being the crazy one. This is way more fun to dive into for me!