"You're going to miss this one day! Enjoy every second!"
I hear that phrase just about everyday from either a stranger in public, a friend, a song, an article, or a comment on the internet.
I used to grudgingly respond with a fake smile and a forced laugh accompanied with a, "I know." Maybe I'd even throw in an eye roll as I turn my back or close out of a website.
I used to get really, really frustrated with that statement. Part of me has always known it to be true, but when you're in the thick of three year old tantrums and constantly tattling tiny humans, it's laughable that I would miss THIS particular part or that I should even ENJOY it. It's funny to me that someone would think I would miss the sleepless nights and the cleaning up of toys every hour of the day. It's ridiculous that someone would suggest that I enjoy this really chaotic part of my life where I barely feel like I'm getting through the days.
"Clearly they don't remember what this season of motherhood is like. CLEARLY they've forgotten!"
Or maybe their message isn't as black and white. Maybe when they say that statement, they don't mean what I have always perceived.
Maybe they have a different take that I am now just understanding. Maybe these words aren't meant to bring us so much guilt, but actually a little bit more happiness of what this season can consist of. Maybe if we shifted our focus a little bit more, we would see the greatness that this part of our lives can bring.
We will miss this, and maybe for reasons we can't see quite yet.
"You're going to miss being pregnant"
What I used to think: those kicks to the ribs and the wiggles all night are so annoying! Waking up to pee every 15 minutes? Getting as big as a whale? Nobody will miss this!
What I think now: My tiny baby is cradled inside of me, safe and warm. I can feel them growing every single day. I know where they are at all times, for nine months long. They are the closest they will ever be to me, for the rest of their lives.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss the late night feedings"
What I used to think: I am not sleeping! A baby is crying every 2 hours! I am a zombie that cannot function any longer.
What I think now: This itty bitty human being relies solely on me to keep them alive. They depend on me to help them feel loved and safe. When their tummy rumbles or they get cold, they cry out because they want me. Me...their mama. I am the only person they want and need right now.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss when they needed you close by in order to fall asleep"
What I used to think: I can never get anything done when they will only nap if they're touching me. I could have taken a shower or made myself some food. Sometimes I just need some space, too.
What I think now: They feel secure the closer they are to me. Being close to me makes them feel the most relaxed. They won't need to fall asleep by me forever. But right now, it's what feels the most natural.
I will miss this,
"You're going to miss the bedtime routine"
What I used to think: You clearly don't remember how many times a child gets out of their bed to come ask for something. Or how many weird statements they need to make, 45 minutes after they are supposed to be sleeping. Our bedtime routine easily takes an hour after I "tuck them in". WHY WON'T THEY JUST GO TO SLEEP?!
What I think now: I know when they are going to bed. I know where they are sleeping tonight. I know they are safe. When they have a bad dream, I'm just a few feet away to comfort them. When they are sad or lonely, they can walk over to the next door to see me and get a hug from me.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss cooking dinner for them"
What I used to think: HA! The amount of food I waste from cooking them dinner would feed orphanages in Africa. They are the pickiest little bundles of joy. They barely eat what I make yet have the audacity to ask for SNACKS an hour later!!!!
What I think now: I get to control the types of food they eat. I can make sure they are eating more healthy options than greasy, unhealthy ones. I am providing them with nutrients for their well-being. Even if they only eat a bite, it's still better than not being able to feed them at all.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss the fevers and the snotty noses"
What I used to think: You get a cold! And you get a cold! And you get a cold! Everyone gets a cold! Everyone gets a fever! Everyone gets to feel miserable!
What I think now: I may not totally miss these sicknesses, but I will miss how cuddly they are. When they are sick they want to watch movies on the couch and sip soup while I stroke my hands over their backs and through their hair. They look to me for comfort and peace when their insides are violent. I am the calm to their storm.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss the long summer days"
What I used to think: Summers are the most chaotic. The kids are off of school and in each other's hair all day long for weeks and weeks on end. The fighting! How do kids fight so much!?
What I think now: We technically only have a handful of summers with our kids where we are the ones orchestrating their activities. They grow up to spend more time with friends than they do with their families. This window is so small; this window of us building sand castles at the beach, swimming all day at the pool, and walking around the zoo saying hi to the cheetahs and elephants.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss their rosey colored cheeks after playing all afternoon in the snow"
What I used to think: Do you remember how long it takes to dress one child to play in the snow, let alone multiple ones? The snow boots are everywhere. The snow jackets are everywhere. Gloves all of the place. Hats in crevices I didn't even know existed. WET snow gear laying all over the floor!
What I think now: Isn't it crazy how magical snow is to kids? It's one of the best toys nature provides and every year they still get just as excited to see it and play in it. Childhood is magical and this is just one small example. Something so simple as snow brings so much enjoyment.
I will miss this.
"You're going to miss their friends being around"
What I used to think: It's so loud in our house when there's so many kids all around. The playdate scheduling and the constant running them from house to house gets to be a LOT. It's hard to balance all of it.
What I think now: I know who these friends are. I know their intentions are pure. I know their parents. I know their siblings. I know almost as much about this child as I do my other children. These kids are more family than not. I know where they are going and I know what they're doing is purely innocent child's play. I know it won't always be this great down the road when it comes to friends.
I will miss this.
There's more options I could do, but I think you understand the point.
I am going to miss being in control. Not that I want my kids to ever feel like they're being controlled...but I'm going to miss that I knew exactly what was happening and where they were. There's such a comfort as a mom to knowing what's going on with your little one. We may feel overwhelmed with the whole experience on a day to day basis - but the reality is that our innate instinct is to protect and serve our babies. We like being in "the know".
Kids grow up. Growing up means more freedom. Growing up means dating, late nights, driving, peer pressure, and college. All of that brings less sleep, more worry, and heartbreak.
So no, we don't enjoy every second for what it is on the outside. But we will miss these moments for the peace and security that they provide us on the inside.
We will miss knowing they're safe under our roof.
Our hearts will long for these days again even when we can't see past our noses right now. For that, I am certain. Because I'm already missing some of them and they're not totally gone yet.
